Thinking Out Loud

Etsy Photo of Weeble Wobble

“She swayed on her feet…. then, a few tottering steps.”

This was the sample sentence in the dictionary using the word tottering. Definition “feeble or unsteady.”

I have been searching for words to describe my new manner of movement.

How does one accommodate a new reality when it is a surprise, overwhelming and unwelcome?

I am fairly discouraged from hearing the doctor say “peripheral neuropathy.”

My way to understand always starts with a frantic search for information and this is no different. While one has to be careful with internet Google searches, education begins.

Then anger displaced 1st on the neurologist, then on the unfairness of all this. Frustrations of aging and compromises when your body wears down or nerves become diseased.

Wondering whether medicine changes might be responsible….consulting that specialist…another dosage change.

The major trick is not to be triggered into depression and the disabling PTSD reality. So far…so good.

All of a sudden my worldview revolves around my feet. Every sensation noted.

I keep pushing away the most feared outcome ….what about Pearl? Will I be able to care for her? She is my rock of stability though now if she bumps into me I struggle to stay upright. UGH.

Battle stations …. Met with Rene (personal trainer) who helps empower me. How to strengthen what I can do safely?  This connection represents hope. A gift.

Writing helps.